in space

neat pic

tree of life.

found something neat online, its one of the books that i am reading, fully available online(as far as i can tell):
http://www.sacred-texts.com/eso/sta/

and the web page that it came from is full of neat stuff too.

The Alexandrian Basilides inculcated Egyptian Hermeticism, Oriental occultism, Chaldean astrology, and Persian philosophy in his followers, and in his doctrines sought to unite the schools of early Christianity with the ancient pagan Mysteries. To him is attributed the formulation of that peculiar concept of the Deity which carries the name of Abraxas. In discussing the original meaning of this word, Godfrey Higgins, in his Celtic Druids, has demonstrated that the numerological powers of the letters forming the word Abraxas when added together result in the sum of 365. The same author also notes that the name Mithras when treated in a similar manner has the same numerical value. Basilides caught that thepowers of the universe were divided into 365 Æons, or spiritual cycles, and that the sum of all these together was the Supreme Father, and to Him he gave the Qabbalistical appellation Abraxas, as being symbolical, numerologically, of His divine powers, attributes, and emanations. Abraxas is usually symbolized as a composite creature, with the body of a human being and the head of a rooster, and with each of his legs ending in a serpent. C. W. King, in his Gnostics and Their Remains, gives the following concise description of the Gnostic philosophy of Basilides, quoting from the writings of the early Christian bishop and martyr, St. Irenæus: "He asserted that God, the uncreated, eternal Father, had first brought forth Nous, or Mind; this the Logos, Word; this again Phronesis, Intelligence; from Phronesis sprung Sophia, Wisdom, and Dynamis, Strength."

In describing Abraxas, C. W. King says: "Bellermann considers the composite image, inscribed with the actual name Abraxas, to be a Gnostic Pantheos, representing the Supreme Being, with the Five Emanations marked out by appropriate symbols. From the human body, the usual form assigned to the Deity, spring the two supporters, Nous and Logos, expressed in the serpents, symbols of the inner senses, and the quickening understanding; on which account the Greeks had made the serpent the attribute of Pallas. His head--that of a cock--represents Phronesis, that bird being the emblem of foresight and of vigilance. His two arms hold the symbols of Sophia and Dynamis: the shield of Wisdom and the whip of Power."
from The Secret Teachings of all Ages, by Manly Hall

i had athought last night, i coined a new term in my mind. The Omega Generation. it sounds like something hokey from a comic book or scifi novel. we are the omega generation. we have grown up entirely within an age where man threatens all life on this earth. it is up to us to rise above the thick mud of the material plane and take back our birthright, the power that we as human represent and to cease giving it away to those who would squander it or use it to go against ourselves, life, evolution.
thinking this and simply writing it i feel a surge of energy, of inspiration, of unseen guidance and yet i am tortured by the next question.
"How exactly are we supposed to do this?"
and in response there is only silence, a darkness, a void. and also i know that this is the only choice i have. do or dont. so i will continue to seek out the way, without knowing how, with little help and no guidance within sight. i have only voices sometimes contradictory, in my head and in the words of others. with patience i will continue to attempt that which seems to have no end and no chance of success, but all i have is this task.

i recently have experienced two unusual phenomenon while reading. now these have happened before but it has been a while. the first was while reading The Technique of the Disciple by Raymund Andrea i had the feeling, the knowledge that this book was written for me to read, not only that but this book was written for me to read it now at the time in which i am reading it. it s seems funny that i would have a thought like this and in reflection it seems like an indulgence but i try not to judge my observations per se just see that it happens and watch it.  Now the second one is an on going sensation while reading The Inner Reality by Paul Brunton. I might read a paragraph, few paragraphs or even a page or two and i recognize it, i know that i have thought this before. i think that perhaps if i had written all of my thoughts down i could have written a book already,  and while i am reading it i almost feel that i could have written this book, but i didnt. i might have written some of this stuff down when it came to me in reverie.

i have often wondered if it is even possible to help another person. what can be done to help someone? the only conclusion that i have ever reached that cannot be broken by logic is to simply be there. many people would say that plenty of things can be done but i see that when we do things for people that we think is helping them it more often has a weakening effect. for example, if i had a friend who bought some weights but got tired quickly, i thought perhaps i can help him lift the weights, he would not get stronger. now that seems ridiculous but having a strong soul(or whatever it might be called) i find myself in situations where something like happens. i suppose i have some issues with my beliefs. i believe concretely in few things but it can be necessary to hold beleifs, if only momentarily, in order to act efficiently. one of the things that seems important to me is a calling to service, but where should the line be drawn? for most people it is easy for me to say "do it yourself" and with a few people i find myself in the role of an enabler. i enable them to stay where they are, they dont feel the need to grow or adapt because i am here to pick up the slack and of course they dont see it that way and would be appalled to find that at times i do. i suppose everytime i walk this spiral path of words spiralling around i find the bottom line but not the resolution to make it a final decision.

i pray the light lift me out before i pine away.

i found something that i wrote a long time ago. i like it, it has the flow of writing that i dont often reach anymore. perhaps i can get past my distraction and find more writing within me, thats what i have been trying to do lately.:


I do a lot of things however fewer things get to do me.
Some would say that im a people person and i suppose that it is true.
I like people and people like me.
even mediating conflicts,
i can navigate the dangers of five roomates with conflicting personalities.
i like to write.
I used to write a lot of poetry, but i havent written much lately.
i like writing stories but write them even more rarely.
Lately i only seem to be journalling obsessively.
I observe a lot.
I like to watch people in crowds.
i like even more to watch people up close.
Watching is even better with naked people.
I tend to think a lot.
I think about what i am doing.
I think about how i think.
I think about being aware of what might be going on around me.
I think about subtle things.
I dream.
I dream like living movies.
I dream like reality, but not quite.
I dream so much that i sleep too late.
perhaps im dreaming my life away.
I read.
I read books about mystics, magic, messiahs, shamans, and zen masters.
I read about a lot more than that but a lot less than i could.
I've read considerably fewer books than i own.
I live.
I live a lot.
Sometimes i think i might be living more than other people are.
Maybe they just dont know that they are living.
maybe they know they are living but wonder...
how could I live anymore than i am now?
why would I want to live anymore?
Maybe the decision to not try and improve oneself is the choice to wait for death.
One who is waiting for death lives no more.
Now on the other hand one can contemplate...
why would I want to live any less?
maybe the decision to try and improve oneself is to learn from one's experiences.
That is to experience.
To expeience is to learn about living from living.

5-3-03

"The neophyte who recognizes this need will regard himself as a volunteer to a life of discipline, the object of which is to give him skill in service. As a preliminary in this discipline he is to cultivate a responsiveness of the personal self to the soul which is to ultimately dominate all his activities. He will seek to transfer the emphasis he has placed so completely upon the objective self, to that informing entity within which will gradually assert its control and initiate him into new areas of consciousness through a growing responsivenessto subtle vibrational measures hitherto unrecognized. That really is the whole problem: the centering of attention upon the indwelling self and the expression of its powers in service, as distinct from the emphasis, relatively selfish, hitherto placed upon the objective personal self."
from The Technique of the Disciple by Raymund Andrea, F.R.C

"Only the idea of death can make a man sufficiently detached so he is
incapable of abandoning himself to anything. Only the idea of death
makes a man sufficiently detached so he can't deny himself anything. A
man of that sort, however, does not crave, for he has aquired a silent
lust for life and for all things of life. He knows his death is
stalking him and won't give him time to cling to anything, so he tries,
without craving, all of everything.

A
detached man, who knows he has no possibility of fencing off his death,
has only one thing to back himself with: the power of his decisions. He
has to be, so to speak, the master of his choices. He must fully
understand that his choice is his responsibility and once he makes it
there is no longer time for regrets or recriminations. His decisions
are final, simply because his death does not permit him time to cling
to anything.

And thus with an awareness of his death, with his
detachment, and with the power of his decisions a warrior sets his life
in a strategical manner. The knowledge of his death guides him and
makes him detached and silently lusty; the power of his final decisions
makes him able to choose without regrets and what he chooses is always
strategically the best; and so he performs everything he has to with
gusto and lusty efficiency.

When a man behave in such a manner one may rightfully say that he is a warrior and has aquired patience!

...
When
a warrior has aquired patience he is on his way to will. He knows how
to wait. His death sits with him on his mat, they are friends. His
death advises him, in mysterious ways, how to choose, how to live
strategically. And the warrior waits! I would say that the warrior
learns without any hurry because he knows he is waiting for his will;
and one day he succeeds in performing something quite impossible to
accomplish. He may not even notice his extraordinary deed. But as he
keeps on performing impossible acts, or impossible things keep on
happening to him, he becomes aware that a sort of power is emerging."

p151-152 from A Seperate Reality by Carlos Castaneda